Alert Level Red!

Life at the Criminelli house is a little crazy right now. We are in the midst of getting Firstborn ready for college and ignoring the fact she is going to college, all at the same time.

Just like you, my kids are special and one of a kind. Firstborn has been a mystery to me from the beginning. She was born just 10 days before my 30th birthday. Which was also Mother’s Day. That was the day I had my first nervous breakdown. Nothing says good times more than turning 30, celebrating your first Mother’s Day, and trying to care for a child that hasn’t stopped screaming for the last 8 days of her life. (of course never cried at the hospital.).

I’m not sure when I noticed she wasn’t interested in the same things as other toddlers. Since she was my first, I didn’t have a frame of reference for normal behavior. The first sign I can really think of was the birth of Precious. The two are 22 months apart. As I spent endless hours nursing and caring for Precious, Firstborn had to keep herself occupied. She did this by sitting at the table and writing the 30 words she knew how to spell, over and over again. At 22 months.  I look back and realize this is unusual but at the time I thought it was normal and of course, I was happy she was keeping busy.

Somewhere between 3 and 4 she became obsessed with playing Monopoly, at 5:30a.m. She had to be the banker. By the time real morning started I was already exhausted from trying to land on free parking that I would be distraught at how to make it through until bed time.

Now she is 18 and in just a few days she will be leaving home for school. The college is just 35 minutes away. She will be studying Robotics Engineering. She is excited to go off and be at a school full of kids who, like her, want to learn something fascinating, do something big, and work hard at it. She is excited to meet other girls who like technical stuff (it’s an engineering college), and aren’t really into shopping and talking.

Yesterday, I tried to imagine, based on Firstborn’s demeanor what a day at this school would be like,  and entire college of engineers. Imagine a morning with 4000 people thinking like this:

7:30  First of all, the bagels were stale. As she pointed out, WHO WOULD DESIGN A SYSTEM THAT INCLUDES PUTTING BAGELS IN PAPER BAGS! Obviously, they belong in plastic bags so they stay soft.

7:01 WHERE ARE MY SHOES! WHO MOVES THEM?  No one moves them. She just  can’t remember anything as unimportant as shoe placement.

7:02 IF I WEAR TAN CHINOS WITH THIS BROWN SHIRT I WILL LOOK LIKE I AM WEARING A BUCKSKIN SHIRT! This comment asctually surprised me because it showed she thought about what she was putting on.

7:03 Now that I have to stop at Dunking Donuts for breakfast (because of the stupid bagel bag designer), should I order tea (which she loves) or coffee (which she hates.) WHAT IF I CAN’T STAY UP LATE AT COLLEGE BECAUSE I NEVER LEARNED TO DRINK COFFEE!

This was all followed by the pronouncement that today was the stupidist day ever. Working full time is a waste, why does it have to be so far away? (20 minutes),  her life is ruined. She works as an intern at a nearby Airforce base. I felt that possibly I should call them with a warning that they may want to go straight to a RED warning level today.

When you really break it all down you realize it all stemmed from the people who think paper bags are an OK way to store bagels, we see that from the moment we wake up it is the engineers of the world that make it go round. That and the coffee brewers of the world.

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One Response to Alert Level Red!

  1. Bitsy says:

    I remember when Lillian was born. It was a few days ago, I’m pretty sure, are you really going to let an infant go to college? : )
    Hey, is there a way you can set it up so that when you post on your blog, it posts on Facebook so we know to come here RIGHT AWAY?

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